We often misunderstand the word love. More often than not, we think of it as romantic love. But the Greek philosophers have detected 8 different kinds of love and have different words for different expressions of love.
Knowing these different aspects of love can come in handy whenever you feel confused or hurt in your relationships. You can refer back to these different aspects of love, to more clearly understand another and effectively communicate your own feelings.
As you read, notice how they give us new distinction and appreciation for all the dimensions of love. Here they are:
EROS (ἔρως érōs) is romantic, sexual, passionate erotic love. This kind of tantalizing love is all about the pleasures of the flesh. Eros is about physical attraction and beauty. When it is unbalanced it becomes lust. In order to sustain this love, it’s essential to couple it with some of the other expressions of love.
PHILIA (φιλία philía) is deep friendship, the affectionate love we have with friends. It’s brotherly and sisterly love founded on a sense of equality and loyalty. Real friends support each other through the expression of this kind of love. They communicate openly. They hold each other up and relate in ways that inspire. When imbalanced, this kind of love becomes codependent.
PHILATIA (φίλαυτος) is self-love. Before we can really love another, it’s essential to authentically love and care for ourselves, and feel comfortable in our own skin. As with all else, there is a balanced and imbalanced expression of this kind of love as well. The imbalance is vanity and narcissism. The balanced version is to embrace all aspects of yourself with kindness and compassion.
Aristotle wrote, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of a man’s feelings for himself.” He was not alone in those sentiments. The ancient Greeks see philautia as one of the most important kinds of love because they recognized that you cannot share what you do not have. Without love for yourself you cannot extend feelings of love in any form to anyone else.
MANIA means obsessive love. As its name suggests, feelings of mania evoke madness. This version of love usually stems from uncontrollable eros and a lack of healthy philautia.
LUDUS is playful love that brings a joyful sense of childlike innocence mixed with a tinge of Eros. Ludus could mean the playful love between children, but it’s more often a flirtatious love that expresses itself as lighthearted teasing. When you experience Ludus, you feel the juicy spark of excitement. It is rooted in fun and comes without any sense of obligation.
When out of balance, Ludus can express itself as insincere and fickle.
PRAGMA is a longstanding love that has matured over time. We see this expression of love in couples and friendships that have withstood the test of time. It is practical and cooperative, with qualities of patience and acceptance.
When imbalanced, it leads to rigid expectations.
STORGE (στοργή) means familial love. It is the primal, protective love that we feel for members of our family. This kind of love is rooted in kinship and allegiance. It’s the unspoken bond between two people that transcends both friendship and sexual attraction because it is driven by belonging and dependency. It is the love and affection that a parent has for her baby, and a child has for a parent, even when the child is not aware of its emotions. This kind of love possesses a strong sense of commitment and responsibility.
The imbalanced expression is smothering a child, influencing their path in a way that is not authentic to them, and creating dependence.
AGAPE (ἀγάπη) is a gift-love, the highest form of love. It is unconditional, selfless love for everyone. This is spiritual love. It expresses itself as infinite compassion. It is transcendent and all-encompassing. Translated into latin as caritas and forming the root of the word charity, Agape is a pay-it-forward approach to love, where you show a universal kindness to others.
There you have it!
May the love within your heart be amplified!
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